2019 is almost over and I’ve got some apologizing to do to myself.
This year, for me, has been the roughest.
I found myself putting myself back in the hole I was in before I was saved. Yes, I held a razor blade and cut …. please don’t judge me. I held a razor blade to help me forget about the emotional pain I had, I stopped though cause it didn’t work. I found myself pretending that everything was okay and crying at night to God that He make everything make sense or at least to take the pain away.
I found myself bullying myself. I called myself many things this year. I doubted my own potential, told myself I was stupid, I swore at myself many times this year and I criticized myself for the smallest things.
I gave up on myself.
And I owe myself an apology for that. For the fact that I was the only person who held myself back. For hurting myself. For blaming myself for what people did to me. For swearing at myself. For bullying my.own.self.
I don’t know who is out there somewhere thinking that because they are Christian, they aren’t allowed to hurt. You are. You’re human. Just don’t hurt yourself. Don’t bully yourself. Please.
Being Christian doesn’t mean that you should cover the pain and pretend it’s not there. I had to learn that myself that Jesus didn’t die for me to pretend it’s okay. He died so I could feel comfortable with going to him with my pain and cry to him and feel whatever before him even if it’s anger.
I want you to apologize to yourself for whatever hurt you allowed yourself to feel and take all that pain to God and have him deal with it.
I got you sis♡ It’s okay.