Hey lovelies, It’s been a minute since I posted but only because I am back at school after holidays..
Have you ever been at point in your life that you do a reality check and ask yourself questions just to know if something is/ some people are right for you…. that has been me recently. I know posted about being stuck but this one is different.
I’m 16 and I have very little friends. I am not popular and am often pre-judged (if that’s a word) ’cause I’m very quiet. To those who are tired of my rants, I apologise but this is where I can be honest and real without feeling judged.
So recently I did a self-evaluation and I found put so many things about myself.
Firstly, I am glad that I am not allowed to have a boyfriend because I am too young but I am a lot of work and have too many barriers. Also, dating and all that, even if I was allowed, is just not for me. So when I grow up, I dont want to get married at all! I don’t want that at all, I wanna live alone because I don’t want to be someone’s baggage or have to carry someone’s baggage. And I also don’t want to have children because I don’t want to raise children who will ultimately be like me not matter how hard I try cause either I will be too strict then they won’t be able to talk to me about their issues or I will be too soft that they will be too comfortable and probably lose all respect for me and also because I won’t be married and I want to travel, children are expensive. How I know this is because my parents spend a lot on me and my sister making it hard to save for holiday trips.
Another things is that, recently, we were enlightened about having to vote for prefects at school next year when I’m in grade 11 and I had always told myself, I wanted to be prefect but not anymore. Why?
No one knows me, no one is my friend even when I try to be friends with them.I am not popular because it’s always a popularity thing.
And Is it wierd that I dont want anything for my birthday?
I want nothing for my 16th birthday, I just want it to be a normal day. I don’t want calls, gifts or cards. Nothing, just want to be alone.
I feel like I have not gotten over what my bullies have said about me and also haven’t gotten over my insecurities, low self-esteem, doubts, fears, etc and I think I need to see a therapist, for real but I don’t know how to tell my mom who will tell I don’t need to and just need to pray which I totally get but I need to see someone, it’s really bad cause I am crying quite a lotlately which I don’t usually do.
What do I do???
Please do advice where possible😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Thanks for listening/reading to my rant