Changed.

Hey lovelies, It’s been a minute since I posted but only because I am back at school after holidays..

_

Have you ever been at point in your life that you do a reality check and ask yourself questions just to know if something is/ some people are right for you…. that has been me recently. I know posted about being stuck but this one is different. 

I’m 16 and I have very little friends. I am not popular and am often pre-judged (if that’s a word) ’cause I’m very quiet. To those who are tired of my rants, I apologise but this is where I can be honest and real without feeling judged.

So recently I did a self-evaluation and I found put so many things about myself.

Firstly,  I am glad that I am not allowed to have a boyfriend because I am too young but I am a lot of work and have too many barriers. Also, dating and all that, even if I was allowed, is just not for me. So when I grow up, I dont want to get married at all! I don’t want that at all, I wanna live alone because I don’t want to be someone’s baggage or have to carry someone’s baggage. And I also don’t want to have children because I don’t want to raise children who will ultimately be like me not matter how hard I try cause either I will be too strict then they won’t be able to talk to me about their issues or I will be too soft that they will be too comfortable and probably lose all respect for me and also because I won’t be married and I want to travel, children are expensive. How I know this is because my parents spend a lot on me and my sister making it hard to save for holiday trips.

Another things is that, recently, we were enlightened about having to vote for prefects at school next year when I’m in grade 11 and I had always told myself, I wanted to be prefect but not anymore. Why?
No one knows me, no one is my friend even when I try to be friends with them.I am not popular because it’s always a popularity thing.

And Is it wierd that I dont want anything for my birthday?
I want nothing for my 16th birthday, I just want it to be a normal day. I don’t want calls, gifts or cards. Nothing, just want to be alone.

I feel like I have not gotten over what my bullies have said about me and also haven’t gotten over my insecurities, low self-esteem, doubts, fears, etc and I think I need to see a therapist, for real but I don’t know how to tell my mom who will tell I don’t need to and just need to pray which I totally get but I need to see someone, it’s really bad cause I am crying quite a lotlately which I don’t usually do.
What do I do???

Please do advice where possible😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Thanks for listening/reading to my rant
xoxo Siphe♡

11 thoughts on “Changed.

  1. My dearest Siphe! You are amazing child of the most High King! And my beautiful sister in Christ! How much He loves you! Valuable??? Dearest Siphe God gave His Son to save you! Jesus gave of His own blood to let you know what a priceless treasure you are! I am so grateful that He allows me to call you friend. Don’t worry about how many friends you have. Instead thank God for the quality of your friends. If no one is a special friend then God must be preserving you for His wonderful self! He loves you and so do I!!
    Oh and Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday, dearest Siphe! Happy Birthday to yoU! ❤

    Liked by 2 people

      1. aha! Moms are like that… wanting to make their children happy. 🙂 At least she cares to see if you need something, or would rather get what you want so you won’t be disappointed 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Siphe, I agree so much with what the other blogger has commented. You are beautiful and you are loved. By the Kings of kings & The Lords of lords. Don’t allow the lies of Satan to destroy you. He’s a liar from the pits of hell! You don’t need to fit it. You were made to stand out that’s why God set you APART! You are HIS Princess among the thorns. You are His chosen. My dear, marriage was created by God. He didn’t make me nor you to be alone. That’s why he made Eve for Adam for he saw he didn’t have someone there with him. If you keep saying such things, you’re hurting your Father in heaven heart. Don’t curse your life by the things that are coming off of your tongue. Please, God loves you more than anything and he doesn’t wants you to continue to suffer like this! Its time to fight back. Put on that “full” armor and fight back! Pray, cry out to God, fast! He will hear you! He will deliver you! Fight warrior! Fight! You are more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus! Satan is already defeated! Arise Mighty Woman of God! Win! I will be praying for you! Much love! Blessings!

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s